Practicing Presence Through the Lived Experience of My Daughter's Suicide Attempts

Original Post July 8, 2023

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I’ve been practicing mindfulness for many years and most recently deepening my practice after reading and listening to Michael Singers Untethered Soul and Surrender books and lectures.

The information I’ve learned from his teachings has allowed me to remain conscious and respond to life from the seat of my awareness as it unfolds without inserting my preferences and without clinging to what feels good and pushing away what feels uncomfortable…allowing it to flow through my being as it arises and exits my energy field.

When my daughter overdosed in March 2023 and was intubated, I continued my practice in consciousness. When I noticed, I was trying to hold back feelings of grief and fear I relaxed my body and watched them move through me as I sat with her in the presence of life; just being there and holding space. When I noticed I was clinging to gratitude in attempt to repress the potential for fear to creep back in I relaxed my body and allowed the gratitude to flow and let go of any attempt to control what emotion might come next. At one point, as I reached for my phone with the unconscious intention to scroll through social media and disassociate with what was happening, I quickly became aware of what I was doing and put the phone away; coming back to the moment at hand.

I was there with her from Friday – Monday as she progressed from intubation to extubation to medically cleared and transferred to the BHU. Monday afternoon I returned home and as I went to be that night in my own bed, I realized that, despite the trauma of the events the previous days, my energy felt clear mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I believe this is because I experienced it all and processed as much as possible in the moment rather than clinging to it or pushing back/holding it away.

This experience is a testament to me of the power of the practice of consciousness awareness and holding space.

Prior to this, I had already started finding ways to share this information with others, and my drive to do so has been strengthened by what I experienced and how it helped me.

Please share this with others in hopes they find it helpful. 💜